Ramblings

I wanted to do a cute post today with some Pinspiration I’ve gathered for our engagement pictures buuut Pinterest has been a real jerk lately and I can’t see any of my secret boards via computer. Real cute Pinterest, this better get fixed. If I lose all of my wedding pins heads. will. roll.

So instead you get ramblings. You could consider yesterday’s post “ramblings” as well but, I do what I want around here and I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’m not saying they are all important things, mind you, but here’s some word vomit from my mind throughout the day.

The best kind of days are the ones when I get to work before or stay later than everyone else and am able to belt out show tunes at the top of my lungs. (Currently happening). It really starts and ends the day on the right foot, you know? Oh, you don’t like show tunes? You are missing out and I feel sorry for you.

(I do like other forms of music, really, even though I mainly reference show tunes. They just happen to be at the top of the list.)

Why is having acting like you are a mature adult, like, a thing in certain situations? It’s really against my nature to not say whatever I’m thinking at 100% of the time. I don’t like you. I don’t want to deal with you. Please go away before I lose control and act on these feelings raging inside me.

i just have a lot of feelings

I was going to participate in the “boys behind the blog” link up today so I kindly asked the fiancé to answer the provided questions. Here’s what I received back…

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…then I said he was boring and un blog worthy, but here I am posting them anyways so I guess the laugh’s on me. Sorry if you fell asleep…he does actually have a personality. Just blog shy, I suppose. I’ve actually started a list of sh*t he says so I can post them all here one day and embarrass him to death. I can’t wait! (Also, can we talk about how this man can’t remember what he got me for Valentine’s Day? I mean really, that was like a week ago. Oh, and the cheese in answer number one? Melts my heart and totally not a line, he really is that sweet.)

On a similar note, I love embarrassing people or putting people in awkward situations on purpose. There’s a sick pleasure I get out of it similar to the pleasure referenced yesterday when organizing. Except more public. Poor fiancé is often right in the middle of these situations (like right now), and I’m not sure why he hasn’t run for the hills.

A WORLD THAT’S FULL OF HAPPINESS, THAT I HAVE NEVER KNOOOOWN

Can’t not sing that part, sorry.

Does your pony tail holder, holding your “day old” (err dirty) hair, ever just break out of no where? That happened just now and I could punch a baby I’m so mad. Literally, I was sitting here with my fingers on the keyboard. Why? Now there is dirty hair everywhere with no way to be tamed.

Have you ever realized that you are in a competition with someone without knowing it/having any desire to be? I feel like this is a constant theme in my life right now. It’s a very awkward thing to realize. Like now I don’t know how to act because, as I said yesterday I’m not a competitive person, like at all. One part of me wants to hug these people and say “it’s ok, you are special just the way you are” and the other part of me wants be like..

don't come for me

I’ve been blogging for over a month now with no desire to quit, so I decided to invest in a blog design. Super excited to work with Yammering Yankee on this.

I’m going to one of those magical-cleaning-rag parties tonight and I’m ashamed to admit I’m a little excited. I’m banking on free wine, really. But wait, I’m doing that 7 day slim down so I guess I shouldn’t. On that note…

Diets suck. End of story. This is the most miserable week of my life, no doubt. Most likely because I’m that person who will do something just because someone tells her she can’t. And I just really like food. And diet coke. I ate a (honestly, very small) piece of pizza today because one of my coworkers BROUGHT IT INTO THE OFFICE WE SHARE when she knows I’m doing this thing. Rude. My photographer also decided to move this weekend and pushed our pictures to Sunday so I have to do this blasted thing for a day more than planned.

Welcome to what goes on in my brain on the daily.

The Kind of Girl Who…

Most of you out there on the internets have no idea of the person I really am, so today I’m linking up with Hollywood in hopes to give you a little more insight in to who you are dealing with, here.

ImTheKindOfGirlWho

…is unashamedly girly. From makeup to clothes, flowers to wine to glitter. Give me all the cliche girly things.

… will say I work out so I can eat, but admittedly love how I feel after kicking butt in the gym.

…completely over shares personal information. If we’ve had more than one conversation, chances are I have given you TMI.

…wishes I had a lot of money so I could give someone a gift and brighten their day, everyday.

…loves to dress fashionably but hates the process of shopping for clothes. (Stitch Fix to the rescue!)

…gets sick pleasure out of taking a mess and organizing it.

…has absolutely no competitive spirit. Which is probably why I’ve been running for over 2 years and have never desired to run in a race.

…really hates meaningless small talk. Like, hates. Probably because I’m a super awkward over-sharer and I know it.

…used to love to read but can’t bring myself to make the time lately.

…loves to meal plan and cook but hates the act of grocery shopping. Are you seeing a trend here? Well then prepare to have your mind blown…

…LIVES for the clearance sections at Target. I run from clearance section to clearance section before circling back and looking through the entire store from top to bottom. WHAT IF SOMEONE GETS THERE BEFORE ME AND GETS THE GOOD DEAL?

…does anything and everything people ask of me. Plus some.

…never asks for help with anything.

…puts my whole heart in everything I do and every relationship I have. Which means my heart gets hurt more often, but it still has never learned it’s lesson.

Weekend Recap + 7DSD

Hello again, Monday. You don’t seem to suck as bad today because there are actually things I’m looking forward to almost every day this week. But nice try. You’ll be back to your a-hole-ish ways next week, I’m sure.

I’m not sure if you all heard, but Friday was Valentine’s Day. Mine did not disappoint. It started with me spreading a little VDay love to some of my friends and family, then my cute fiancé surprised me at work with Starbucks and Kate Spade earrings. #winning

The icing on the cake, if you will, was sitting front row at the Florida Georgia Line concert with my Valentine and some of our friends. Their album was one of my favorites last year so I was really excited. I was also nervous because this marked the first concert my fiancé and I have gone to together. Plus it was country which is, to put it mildly, not the man’s fav. Turns out, he has a soft spot for live music in general and we had a blast. It didn’t hurt we paid almost nothing for the amazing seats.

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Can we talk about this kid’s uber cheesy smile for a second? I’m obsessed with it. HE’S JUST SO HAPPY. PS that’s his normal picture smile.

Can we also talk about the faux fur vest? To be honest, when I took that first pic I was on the fence about it. I mainly wore it because I knew it would embarrass the fiancé and our guy friends. I’ll let you guess who was the one laughing as we walked 5 blocks in the negative degree weather. Hint: that baby is warm.

I can’t think of one thing I did Saturday that was worth mentioning. Recuperating? Grocery shopping at 9 PM? Watching 20 minutes of Bad Grandpa before deciding it was stupid and not in a good way?

Sunday was spent prepping for the crazy week ahead. The most exciting thing happening this coming week is our engagement pictures and let’s just say, I haven’t been on my eating A game since the holidays. Hence, the Tone It Up 7 Day Slim Down. Last summer I bought the Tone It Up nutrition plan and stuck to it for about a month. (It’s basically just a clean eating guide.) To be honest, it was the saddest month of my life, and I’m not sure I’m being dramatic. Cooking and eating delicious food brings me great joy and I’ve struggled to find a balance there my whole life. I am what I am, ya know? The situation going on between my hips and my knees really ain’t a good look though and I’d rather not freeze this moment in time. Anyhoo, meal prepping for the week took up a good portion of my day. And eating. THERE’S SO MUCH EATING. Six times a day, to be exact.

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Obviously, I needed to watch Hercules while cooking, because I’m 8 and I constantly need Disney show tunes in my life, ok?

Linking up with Sarah for Operation Get Fit.

Venus Trapped in Mars

Transitions

It seems crazy that in just a little over three weeks skipping a day here on the blog feels so unnatural. I crave coming here, but sometimes life and feelings take over. To be honest I have been feeling a little…insecure maybe, about this blog over the last few days. I’ve been over thinking, over analyzing, and just generally putting far more pressure on myself than need be. Go figure, right? All that mixed with actually being a busy adult (ew) and wanting to be lazy on nights I actually get home before 7 PM, and I’ve been feeling a little off. But those feelings have passed, at least for today, and I’ve realized this is my space so if I bore, unintentionally insult, or just generally irritate you, feel free to change the channel.

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I am a creature of habit and routine. I’ve been that way my whole life. It was a running joke in my family that if I didn’t know “the plan” a melt down was on the horizon. Being a child of divorce I feft like even if I couldn’t control who’s house I was at, I could at least KNOW where I would be and that eased my anxiety, if that makes sense.

For the past year, it has seemed that my life has been in a constant state of transition and change, and it’s been tough. Becoming someone’s fiance. Changing my entire routine around to fit a new semesters classes. Adjusting to busy or slow seasons of work. Finally graduating from college (after seven years that has been the biggest adjustment to date). You know what happens when you graduate college? People expect you to actually decide on a career, which means possibly changing jobs. Leave my cozy office surrounded by people who genuinely love and care about me? Where it is safe and I know what to expect? Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten and bile rise in my throat. Since graduating I can’t even keep the days of the week straight. I wake up and have no idea if I have any actual obligations. So opposite of how my life has been for the last seven years. On top of that, I’m getting married in September, which means I am constantly being reminded of the life changes that is going to bring (uhh, some of the biggest of my life, I expect). I won’t sugar coat it, I’m freaking out. Not to get married, I have full confidence that I am choosing the right person to intertwine lives with. I’m freaking out about the way my life is going to have to change. Like as in 1000% unavoidable change. Que a complete meltdown this past holiday season. Holiday traditions are my thing, and I don’t want them to change. I know they have to, but I don’t want them to have to. Call me selfish, I deserve it. My fiance and I will start our family and our own traditions and I know I will love every minute of it, but right now, looking forward, I’m a nervous wreck.

Sorry this post is pretty much word vomit and I promise I have a less serious, more fun post coming atcha tomorrow. This is something that has weighed heavy on my heart the last few days and it feels good to let it all out. <3

Weekend Recap + A Sad, Embarrassed Heart

This weekend was more productive than fun, not that it didn’t have it’s moments. My silly self thought weekend productivity would be a thing of the past once I graduated from college, but I suppose such is the life when you are planning a wedding an adult. I did have a heavy, thought-provoking  Saturday night that is worth mentioning, but more on that later.

Friday.

I knew going into the day Friday that my to do list at work was going to take me longer than the “it’s 4:00 on Friday time to hit the road” routine I have been in lately, so I solicited this guy to have lunch with me at my favorite restaurant and break up the day a bit. photo 3

I was obviously too hungry to take a picture before we dug in. It was a “late” night at work (errr, 7:00? I know, I know, I’m a brat). After that I headed to my parent’s house for my youngest sister’s 14th birthday party. I stuffed my face with pizza, chips and cake (because I obviously did not consumer enough calories at lunch…) and took many embarrassing videos of my sister and her friends that I would post here if I knew she did not read this blog. Love you Pookie. Oh, we also watched the Opening Ceremonies which were cool, but made me realize I know nothing about Russian history.

Saturday

…was productive. I bought a bridesmaid dress and decided on the color/brand of bridesmaid dress that we are going to use for our wedding. I wore a cute outfit so I obviously had to document it in the dressing room mirror. (Vest from Bloggers Closetphoto 2

Saturday night was spent going to dinner and a movie with my fiance and his family. We had yummy Chinese food and went to see Lone Survivor starring Mark Wahlburg. To be completely honest, I was being a pretty big brat at the idea of seeing this movie. Any poster like this…lone survivor

…and I’m generally like, thanks, but no thanks. I am not a picky movie watcher by any means, but generally, war movies send me straight to sleep. Little did I know that this movie would cause me such deep thought that I would feel the need to share an embarrassing fact about myself to you all. (We’re moving from surface to deep here in about 2.5 seconds today folks, you’ve been warned.)

As I have mentioned before, I consider myself a overly passionate person. I take things to heart and have over-the-top reactions to most situations. Most people who have known me my entire life would say the over-the-top reactions are a semi-recent development (as in since I went to college 7 years ago?), but I don’t think anyone could deny that the “taking things to heart” portion of that statement towards my personality has ever been off base.

Because of this “heart sensitivity” if you will, I have become really good at blocking out things I know will cause me heartache. In a more serious sense than what we are talking about here, it unfortunately means I can pretty easily cut out people from my life who have hurt me. But diving deeper there is more personal than I am willing to get right today. In a more shallow sense, it means that I don’t generally let myself watch the news, read books I know are heartbreaking, or watch movies that are overly sad and most certainly never movies that are overly sad AND based on a true story. No, never. Hence, why, maybe even subconsciously, I wasn’t all that excited to see Lone Survivor this weekend.

Lone Survivor was all of the things I would say I generally hate in movies. Loud, lots of fighting/killing, overly graphic in the noises and sights you see while people are getting hurt, and just enough “WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT” to send me into a full blown panic attack. I pretty much hated the first hour and forty five minutes of this two hour long movie.

As the movie was coming to a close they began to show the Lone Survivor, Marcus Luttrell, being rescued (sorry if you consider that a spoiler, but the movie is called Lone Survivor) and then moved on to pictures of the people portrayed in the movie which was the point when I began let my emotional guard down. Yeah, I cried a little but really my heart was broken for the attitude I had towards this movie. These men DESERVE to be remembered. They DESERVE my tears and heartache because they gave their lives, in the most scary way possible, to protect the life I love so much. They do not deserve to be ignored just to spare my weak heart. Their families went through 100000x more heartache living through this ordeal than I did watching a two hour long movie. Those families deserve to share some of that pain with me, too. It’s not fair or right for me to sit safely in my home because of what these men, and others like them, have done for our country while pretending like they don’t exist.

I felt guilty and embarrassed the rest of the night, and all I could think about was coming to this blog Sunday morning and writing about it. It’s funny how something can so quickly become such an important part of your life.